Moms The Word

April 24, 2007

You’ll Never Guess What This Is

Filed under: Life, To-Do about Tuesday — mrslady @ 12:14 am

It’s a To Do About Tuesday!  That’s right ladies and gents-I am finally around to writing one again….how many Tuesdays have passed without one?  I don’t want to think about what a neglectful blogger I’ve been lately.

One of the things I’ve been doing lately is something called “Yahoo! Answers”.  It is something that came with my email account and I’ve been ignoring for a long time, but I have gotten sucked into it lately.  It probably has something to do with my resolution not to boss people around anymore… I just dispense “advice” to complete strangers.  Which I relish.

So there you have it-this To Do about Tuesday has excerpts from my nagging advice on several topics from the world wide message boards.  Enjoy.

Q: What is the difference between romance and love? 

A: Romance is flowers and candy and wine. It’s moonlight and candlelight and dinners out. It’s going dancing or to the movies.

Love is “No hunny, go back to sleep-I’LL wake up with the baby”. Love is coming home from work and having dinner on the table waiting for you. It’s waking up in the middle of the night when your grown wife has a nightmare to turn the light on and stroke her hair until she goes to sleep. It’s rubbing your husband’s feet after he spends his 10 hour shift sweating into his boots, and NOT making him take a shower first.

Love is putting the other person’s needs before your own. It’s sacrificing together to make your life together better. It is a selfless choice you make and an action you take every single day for the benefit of someone else.

You can have romance and not love, but if you have love you can’t avoid romance.

Happily in Love for Almost 5 years

Q:If you could do life over again what would you change?

A: would do everything exactly the same. Even everything I did wrong, and everything that made my life harder. Because I wouldn’t want to accidentally undo something about my life that I love. Who knows? If I change one thing I might not have met my husband, who I couldn’t live without. Or if I changed something we might not have had our son, the most wonderful beautiful child on the planet [I’m allowed to be biased, I’m a mommy].

I am glad to have done and experienced everything I have. The good things were accomplishments that I am proud of, and the bad things taught me invaluable lessons that make my life better every day.

The only thing I could never live with is regret.

Q:Why do people expect me [a teenager]to act like an adult, but don’t let me make adult decisions?

A:Here’s the way I see it-there are stages of growing up.

Stage one is when you are an infant. You are just learning information relavant to you-you are a person, mommy and daddy are people, up is up, down is down, etc.

Stage two is from when you are a toddler until you are about 12. You are gathering basic information-basic morals [right vs. wrong], basic education [colors, shapes, numbers, how things work], etc. In this stage you learn information that is relevant not only to you in the present, but to you in the future.

Stage three is from about 13 to about 20 (I say about because every kid is different). In stage three you are a teenager, and you are practicing the information that you have learned. You are discovering the consequences and responsibility of making decisions, however your parents are still there to protect you from the things that would hurt you most. There are some decisions that seem good when you are a teenager that have long range consequences which you are just not prepared to think all the way through. It’s not a bad thing-it’s just normal. Eventually, when you’re older you’ll have a little bit more foresight and will be able to protect yourself from the things that would hurt you most. That’s when you reach stage four.

Stage four is adulthood. There is a lot of room for improvement (obviously you’re not going to be as experienced at 20 as you are at 60), but you basically understand the concept that there are far reaching consequences to your actions, and that you should take as much information into consideration as possible before you go around making decisions. At this point, your parents stop telling you what to do and start expecting you to figure it out on your own. Eventually they won’t be around to even ask anymore (I’m an adult and that thought STILL scares me!).

The thing is, just like riding a bike or playing the tuba, you have to be taught and then you have to practice what you’ve learned before you will be able to do it on your own. I know that being a teenager is frustrating, but everyone goes through it and comes out on the other side a better person for it.

Be patient. Good luck.

Ex-Teenager, Mom of 1

Q: is having kids a good idea? see a lot of people who seem miserable with kids. also for a man having a kid can be a disaster since the woman could leave, take his kid, and then he has to pay her for it. …plus with kids you have to give your life to them instead of living your own. im 24 now and not planning on having kids right this second. but i wonder if i would even want to. i see these guys in the stores with kids and they look miserable. …what do you think?

A: That’s the problem-you’re looking while they’re in the store! Taking small children to the store is worse than being strip searched at the airport and walking on hot coals with bare feet COMBINED. Small children+Stores=Disaster. Of course they look miserable!

What you DON’T see is when they go home. At home, when their baby toddles over to them and says “I love you daddy” and gives them a big kiss-and how it almost makes them cry because it’s so beautiful. At home, when the baby falls asleep in his arms and he snuggles them close. At home when his child shares his toys with his siblings all by himself and how PROUD that makes him. At home, where he plays catch with his child, or watches his kids play and realizes there is nothing more amazing and blissful than the laughter of children.

If you could see that then you would understand why having children is the most awfully beautiful, tragically wonderful thing that could ever happen to a person.

And there you have it-To Do About Tuesday….the advice edition. 


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